“I believe that telling our stories, first to ourselves and then to one another and the world, is a revolutionary act.” – Janet Mock
As we celebrate Pride month at Kidsave, we sat down with Tabitha Charlton, our Director of Weekend Miracles in Houston to talk about what Pride month means to her.
First, can you tell us a little bit about your role and history at Kidsave?
Tabitha: I am the Director of Houston Weekend Miracles. I am responsible for bringing Kidsave to Texas and launching Kidsave Texas. Prior to this, I was a successful attorney on a lucrative career path and a member of the State Bar’s Child Abuse & Neglect Committee. All things considered, I was doing better than I ever imagined, but something was missing. When Hurricane Harvey hit Houston, I spent four days huddled in my closet with my twin four-year-olds, waiting for a rescue. When it was all over, I had lost everything I owned. Every hour I spent away from my children working an unfulfilling job just to earn more money to buy more things… all of those things were gone out of no fault of my own and there was nothing that being an attorney or working for one of the most prestigious firms in the world could do to change that. I left that closet with my daughters, knowing that it was time for a change in my life. It was time to pursue my dreams and work in a career that mattered to me. Just six months after Harvey, I set out to start an organization that would mentor teens in foster care to help them find permanency so they would not age out alone. That mission led me to Kidsave. Why would I leave a lucrative career as an attorney to work in a nonprofit? Let me explain.
When I was 11 years old, Children’s Protective Services entered my life. Their involvement in my life, which included a forced removal from one of my parents, never made things better for me. The system failed me. I developed an anger that boiled like a fire deep within. I began to exhibit all the typical signs of a kid dealing with or in the system. I ran away, self-harmed, snuck out, and participated in promiscuous and sometimes dangerous behavior that put my life at risk. On the other hand, school was usually a safe place for me. I worked hard, earned good grades, participated in extra-curricular activities, and my teachers and admin liked me and believed in me. They told me I was smart and gifted. They said my start in life didn’t have to determine my path. They taught me to dream big and never give up. Most importantly, they helped me believe in myself and told me the problems in my life weren’t important, it was how I handled them and what I did with them that mattered most.
They say people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. There are a lot of people who came into my life for a reason and a season during my journey from an 11-year-old troubled kid to where I am today. Those people helped me turn that fire in my belly into a passion to help older kids in the foster care system find the help, support, love, and resources they need to pursue their goals and dreams to succeed, just like I did.
Can you tell us a little bit about your connection to Pride month and the LGBTQ+ community?
Tabitha: Sure, I am a lesbian. Prior to launching Kidsave Texas and the Houston Weekend Miracles program, I was a practicing attorney who handled many cases involving LGBTQ+ marriage, divorce, custody, second parent adoption, sperm and egg donation, surrogacy, and other family law matters. Personally, I experienced years of costly fertility struggles, before I finally became a single mom by choice of twin girls via anonymous sperm donation and IVF. Experiencing my own struggles to start my family, while witnessing those of my friends and clients, it became important to me to ensure single and married couples in my community could achieve their dreams of motherhood and fatherhood, as well as expand their families. In Texas, the vast majority of child placement agencies and organizations serving youth in foster care are faith-based. Unfortunately, our laws here allow faith-based organizations to refuse service to LGBTQ+ individuals. Consequently, it is difficult for the LGBTQ+ to know where we can find organizations that go beyond just “sure, we accept you…” to actually treating us equally and making us feel welcome.
At a time when 490 anti-LGBTQ+ bills have been introduced in America, this year alone, and in the State that has introduced more of those bills than any other State (53), it is more important than ever for people to know where to go to feel truly safe and welcome. From day one, I designed Kidsave Texas to be a place that rolled out the welcome mats for the LGBTQ+ community. Kidsave recognizes that the diversity of our families must match the diversity of our youth. That is why we welcome ALL diverse populations. Regardless of race, religion, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, or marital status we accept and treat everyone equally. It is who we are and it is important to me for everyone to be treated with respect and dignity and feel like a member of the extended Kidsave family when they are with us.
Were there any examples of an organization or group celebrating Pride that stood out to you as a young person? Anything or anyone who helped you along your journey?
Tabitha: Living in the suburbs of the South, I felt isolated and alone as an LGBT youth because I was not aware of anyone else like me. I didn’t even know same-sex relationships were possible until my aunt Laura moved to Texas from California when I was 16. She would talk non-stop about her new best friend, Timothy, who was gay. Timothy, living out and proud, was my first introduction to PRIDE and the LGBT community. My aunt Laura was the first person to ask me, “Are you gay?” When I burst into tears, dropped my head in shame and nodded silently, she reassured me that everything would be okay and there was no reason to feel ashamed. Unfortunately, I was still in high school and it was the early 90s, so my first attempt to live authentically ended in ruin. I was bullied and traumatized by classmates, which forced me to re-enter the closet and deny my sexuality until I was grown and living on my own.
Why do you think it’s important for organizations like Kidsave to celebrate Pride month?
Tabitha: Any organization that serves at-risk youth must be properly prepared to serve LGBTQ+ youth. According to a recent study from Chapin Hall at the University of Chicago, LGBTQ+ young people are 120% more likely to experience homelessness than their non-LGBTQ+ peers. Research conducted by True Colors United has revealed that while just 7% of youth in the USA identify as LGBTQ+, 40% of youth experiencing homelessness are LGBTQ+.
As an organization that serves older youth in foster care to help them establish lasting connections and find permanent loving families, Kidsave is all too aware of the fact that aging out of the foster care system is the 3rd most common reason LGBTQ+ youth give for experiencing homelessness. That is why Kidsave has prepared our staff and our organization to serve all older LGBTQ+ youth in the foster care system. We have attended trainings, conferences, seminars, and equipped ourselves with tools, vocabulary, and resources to ensure all of our diverse youth feel welcome and equally served by our programs, staff and volunteers.
What do you think it means to the kids in Kidsave's programs to see us celebrate Pride month?
Tabitha: It changes everything when kids feel safe to be themselves because they know our program is led by a member of the LGBTQ+ community. I used to always wear my standard Kidsave polo shirt with my hair in a ponytail. Some people might say I was a “Ninja Lesbian.” However, I noticed our LGBTQ+ youth would come to the events and stand in corners, almost hiding, afraid to interact with anyone. It makes it hard to find connections when they are afraid to engage.
At the beginning of this year, I started wearing a Kidsave LGBTQ+ branded shirt to our monthly events. I accessorized with a white baseball cap that says, in PRIDE colors “Everybody Belongs” and a lanyard that says, “LOVE IS LOVE,” also in PRIDE colors. The moment our LGBTQ+ kids saw me, I was met with shock and awe. They were so excited. One of them was jumping up and down, saying, “Miss!! Miss!!! I can’t believe it! Oh my God!” Another whispered, “Are you an ally?” I said, “Nope. I’m one of you.”
Everything changed for those kids from that moment forward. I started seeing them coming out of their shells, being themselves, talking to everyone, and getting to know and connecting with families. They became unafraid to ask for assistance, unafraid to share their thoughts and feelings. That one little change by me to show my own PRIDE and live authentically had a significant positive impact on our LGBTQ+ kids.
A recent example is when we attended a Houston Astros game. At public events like this, we always escort the kids to the restrooms in groups. On this night, I was tasked with taking a group of six kids to the restrooms. These are large facilities with numerous stalls. I normally stand outside and wait, asking the kids to gather with me and wait for others when they are done. But that night, I had two transgender boys in my group. One of them pulled me aside and asked me to please escort him inside the public restroom because he was scared of being kicked out, bullied, or attacked and didn’t want to have to explain his gender identity to anyone.
He whispered, “That’s happened to me before.” So, I stepped inside the restroom and waited to make sure both of the boys were safe coming and going. As we headed back to our seats, he whispered to me, “I am glad you were with us.” It’s the little things that help these kids feel safe and we must be open and prepared to meet them where they need us, even if that means standing and waiting in a crowded restroom.
When LGBTQ+ youth are able to safely and freely be themselves, it is incredible to witness the smiles on their faces and their personalities shine. Since January when I began being more open about my own identity at our events, the number of LGBTQ+ youth in our Houston Weekend Miracles program has nearly tripled, along with the LGBTQ+ families we serve.
About Kidsave
At Kidsave, we are proud to serve youth in foster care and families of all races, ethnicities, gender identities, and sexual orientations. To learn more about our values as an organization, visit https://www.kidsave.org/our-values/
